By Michael Kary
Of the over twenty op-eds I have written since working at BC Care Providers Association (BCCPA) this is probably one of the more difficult to write. Difficult in the sense it involves a personal story that occurred recently in my life. Late last year, my beloved mother passed away a couple of weeks before Christmas while residing at the care home she had been living at for a little over a year. While her passing was a challenging time personally and for family members, I was comforted by the fact that she was in a very caring environment. Although it was an emotional situation to visit my mom in her final days, I can say that my overall experience at the care home was positive.
Though the media will typically portray care homes in a negative light, focusing on the quality of food or even incidences of elder abuse, my perception having spent significant time in one was quite different. What I witnessed was a very caring and professional staff who, along with attending to the care needs of my mother, also attempted to ensure those visiting her were looked after and comforted where possible.
My mother was in her eighties when she moved into Father Lacombe Care Home in Calgary, Alberta in the fall of 2016. While an older care home, I found it a quite inviting and pleasant place to visit. Its pristine location next to Fish Creek Park made it even more quaint, as would often see deer or other animals wandering outside throughout the day. When I visited my mom in Calgary, she seemed happy living at the care home, though I knew deep down she missed living independently as anyone would. Because her physical situation did not allow her to live by herself at home any longer, the best and only option was to move into a care home.
When my mom’s physical condition deteriorated even further in the fall of 2017, she would ultimately have to go into hospital. Though I found the staff at the hospital to be equally terrific and professional, I was happy my mom was able to spend the remaining year of her life at the care home. Most people will die in hospital, but if that can be avoided it is probably better for everyone. In British Columbia, for example, over half (53%) of the over 30,000 people who die annually do so in hospital. Research indicates, however, that most Canadians would overwhelmingly prefer to die at home or elsewhere.
When my mother moved back to her care home from the hospital in late November, it was very clear from various medical tests that her life would soon end. My mom would spend about ten more days in their care after leaving the hospital. I would end up flying out from Vancouver to Calgary during the final week of my mother’s life. For most of the final days, me and my sisters and brother remained at the care home as much as possible, staying there all day and even overnight to be close to our mother.
While at my mother’s bedside I also experienced up close what life was like at this care home. Sure, I had been at care homes in the past, but usually only for an hour or so and not enough time to experience what they were truly like. We see that care homes are often portrayed as “warehouses for seniors” (or worse), but this was not at all what I observed. During my stay I saw there were many activities – including musicians, singers and other forms of entertainment for those able to participate in such events. If a senior did not feel like partaking in any scheduled event there was also plenty of space to relax in one of many cozy lounge areas instead.
As mentioned, the staff at this care home was particularly comforting to both my mother and those visiting her. Being a catholic oriented care home, Father Lacombe also had regular church services and spiritual staff present including priests and nuns who were regularly on the premise. Of particular note was Sister Mary, who was by our side comforting and providing reassurances to us that our mother’s pain would soon be over, and that she would be resting peacefully in heaven. While I would generally not characterize myself as being overtly religious despite growing up catholic, my experience there made me appreciate more the importance that spirituality and faith-based care can have, especially at end of life.
Though I was deeply saddened by the passing of my mother just a couple of weeks before Christmas, I was comforted by the fact that her final days were spent in a place where she was loved and cared for. Since my mom passed away at Father Lacombe last December, my memory of her and my time at the care home will be with me forever. As stated in the eulogy at her funeral, although my mom’s journey here on earth may have ended she will always live fondly in our hearts.
The memory of my time at Father Lacombe will also live on too, as I recall the care home pristinely situated beside Fish Creek Park, and the caring staff and various activities that made my time of grief more bearable. I know not everyone’s experience at a care home may be like my mother’s, but I believe it is important to be aware that such good and positive care does happen on a regular basis.
My time at Father Lacombe Care Home has given me new appreciation for those who provide care for our loved ones, and for what life can be like in a care home.
